The Struggle

My best thoughts typically come in the shower. Probably because I’m trapped away from gadgets and I’m just processing everything that either happened to me earlier that day or will happen to me later that day. So, Saturday morning was no exception. Well, except, I was getting ready for work at my dad’s house instead of my campus apartment and I had just returned my dream car the night before. Actually, not my dream car, that would be a 2010 (or earlier) Ford Focus (because Ford destroyed the integrity of all of the newer models), but a car I have wanted for about 6 months.

So, I’m standing in the shower dealing with the emotional blow back of following God’s plan (which doesn’t always feel as good as people say it does). See, I kinda knew that it was not part of God’s plan for me to buy that car, but I got it anyway. because, it’s not like the story of Jonah would be a good example of a reason not to. I wrestled with that decision for the 3 week entirety of my ownership, while putting 2,000 miles on that car between school and work every day (a 50 mile commute, one way). I asked God to take the car from me if I was not supposed to have it and then I get this phone call Thursday saying my loan wasn’t approved and I needed a cosigner.

I cried. and begged and begged and begged and begged and begged my parents to cosign the loan. and they didn’t. which is okay because a few minutes after returning the car, a great sense of peace came over me. More like peace that transcends all understanding. and then I bought 16 Candles, a pack of oreos and chocolate covered pomegranate seeds at walmart to drown in my sorrows.

Well, anyway, I’m dealing with this mildly painful decision to go carless for a week when I start thinking about forgiveness. Growing up in a christian home, there’s a few things that I’ve never had to encounter, which I’m thankful for. I’ve never been one to blame God for something “bad” that is beyond my control (like Key Farrie’s death, to which I credit an idiot with a gun and a moron who sold that idiot a gun) and I have never gone a day believing in my heart that God didn’t love me. I have joked about it (which I now realize typing this how poor taste that joke actually is), but I have never gone a day without knowing that if no one else, God loves me.

Now, I’m not saying bad things don’t happen to me or that I’m in some sheltered little bubble and don’t know how the world works. Bad things happen to me all the time, but sometimes you have to realize growing up in America means you have a much better life than most of the world. and that’s a call for thankfulness.

So all of this is going through my head and then I start thinking about my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Lucas. I love him so so so much. We don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, but when we talk, it just feels good. Last summer, he and I had a falling out, of sorts. We didn’t talk for about 4 months. He blocked me on facebook and twitter and the whole nine yards and I was very angry with him. I was intensely angry for 3 days. and on the third day, Tenth Avenue North released the first single to their newest album (“The Struggle”) called “Losing,” and along with it, this video. and I cried. I knew I needed to forgive him even if he never asked for forgiveness or never spoke to me again, I needed to forgive him and I needed to be forgiven.

And 4 months later, I get this apology from him over facebook after I have been praying for him for 4 months. I remember the moment I read it while I was shopping with my dad. and that same peace washed over me and I was so happy and so relieved. Every time we have talked to each other since then, I think about how thankful I am that I was not an elephant. and I think about what Mike Donehey said.

Like, how would you feel if your best friend betrayed you? Would you forgive them? Are you forgiving when it happens? Most of the reason I am so thankful for that experience with Lucas is it’s the first time I remember being truly forgiving. It amazes me he forgave me for what I had said enough to apologize for what he said. It was a God-moment.

God uses that experience in my life so often to remind me that I am so much more hurtful to him than I have ever been to Lucas and on top of that, being hurtful to anyone hurts God. and then he forgives me. One time in my life, I have reacted in a godly manner and it took 3 days. He does it right away. That’s just so crazy to me.

The best part is Sunday, I didn’t really feel like going to church, but I went. My pastor, Matthew Williams is an amazing pastor. I was introduced to him by a friend, James Barnett of Clothe Your Neighbor As Yourself, and I think I thank James for it about once a month. Pastor Matt has been doing a sermon series on relationships and he said on Sunday that he had prepared a much different sermon earlier in the week when God had told him to go for something else. That something else was moving on past forgiveness (see a recurring theme, here? God sometimes needs a lot to get my attention haha) and celebrating what lies ahead. He said, “If you have forgiven someone today, be sure to celebrate it. Have a party!”

and that’s exactly what I want to do. So, to anyone who is interested, I want to celebrate life. Send me a text, facebook message, tweet, or whatever, but let’s be thankful together :)

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I have a six year old sister that is homeschooled 3 hrs north of where I live. She’s adorable. About 3 months ago, I planned a surprise. Her birthday was October 3rd and I had not seen her in 4 months. So, I decided to surprise visit her for her birthday with a pair of navy blue TOMS. I had also bought myself the exact same pair, knowing that she idolized me. She wanted to do everything I did. She wanted me to do her hair, give her play make-up, watch movies with her, and even sleep in her bed (which I haven’t been able to fit in since it was my bed in elementary school and my feet hung off the ends). I bought the shoes 3 weeks before I would visit my sister. Every day leading up until we left, I was just so excited to give her the shoes. I know that she liked shoes, but the whole excitement would be her seeing that she had the same pair as me and whenever she wore those shoes, she would have a little piece of me with her. I would call my mom and tell her how excited I was to give her the shoes and how perfect the gift would be and how I couldn’t wait to see them all again.

As I type this, I know that there’s a parent tonight who felt the same exact way about their child’s Christmas present. That parent loves their child unconditionally and was looking forward to their next birthday, high school graduation, first date, senior prom, driver’s license, and wedding day; and in a matter of minutes, those moments of anticipation are shattered. There’s Christmas presents hiding in a closet or basement, waiting for a recipient who will never see them. I can’t imagine that pain. The thought occurred to me on my way home from work and I began to weep uncontrollably and could not stop praying for the families of the children killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School. This reminds me so much of when my friend, teammate, and brother, Shaquille Farrie was shot and killed during my senior year of high school. I have thought about Key every day since he died and I miss him so much and his smile much more. I can’t imagine what his mother feels or his brother, and my friend, Jamie, feels. It makes me want to grab hold of my family and never let go. It makes me so thankful for the people God puts in my life. It makes me want to show everyone I come in contact with such radical love that it can only point to my father in heaven. Now is not a time to argue over legislation, now is a time to love and love uncontrollably and fearlessly.

Let me see redemption win/let me know The Struggle ends/that you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn/I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life and all that’s dead inside can be reborn/’cause I’m worn

“Worn” - Tenth Avenue North.

If you have been led here by facebook or twitter, but do not actually know me (I know, short list), you should know that I have lived in Florida almost my entire life and mosquitoes are the bane of my existence. I have spent about 15 fourth of July(’s, -ies, ?) trying to figure out just how to avoid waking up COVERED in mosquito and ant bites. However, every fifth of July, I wake up covered in bites all because I wanted to watch the fireworks.

Now, I’m sure everyone has encountered a mosquito in their life, so I don’t have to really go in depth on how much they suck (both literally and figuratively), but since not everyone has been to Florida or to the lakes and rivers throughout my home state, let me assure you they are much more of a terror than you realize. For example, I have a younger brother whom I love and love to watch him fish. I don’t actually like to fish, but I like to take pictures of him fishing. He catches a lot and those pictures are fun, but a lot of the fun in it is the fact that the place in Central Florida we once called home (Melbourne) is bisected by the Indian River Lagoon. The IRL is home to a lot of different wildlife and we have spent time enjoying dolphins swimming right up to us while we wade in the river. It’s nice because it’s not very deep, so when it gets hot during the summer, the fish tend to hang around the shores because they’re lined with mangroves and docks so it’s nice and cool. Not to mention being constantly scared by the boats blazing through the center of the river and of course, the free food from fishermen and mosquito larva are a plus, I’m sure. I love the view and the serenity and the opportunity to bond with God, but when we wade, we leave covered in sand, sunburn, and mosquitoes, no matter what time of day or night (well, not too much sunburn at night). It’s not just even mosquitoes, it’s larva, gnats, no see ums, everything. Pretty soon, your legs are covered in red bumps (as mine are right now). We now live in South Florida, which is no exception to mosquito terrorism. We cannot sit outside for more than 2 minutes without being swarmed. Barbeques are few and far between. They are everywhere. and the worst they can do to me is give me discomfort.

Unfortunately, that’s not the worst they can do. Not for the over 2,000 children that will die tonight from malaria. And right now, you’re probably like, “Well gee, Ashley, what’s Malaria?” Because if you’re one of my friends from Melbourne, you have heard literally nothing about malaria. That’s probably because malaria was eradicated from the US over 40 years before you were born (or if you’re one of my mom’s friends, 10-20 years before you were born). Well, if you spend about 15 seconds on Google (like I did), you will find that the World Health Organization has an article on malaria that’s about the fourth one down and says:

Malaria is caused by a parasite called Plasmodium, which is transmitted via the bites of infected mosquitoes. In the human body, the parasites multiply in the liver, and then infect red blood cells.

Symptoms of malaria include fever, headache, and vomiting, and usually appear between 10 and 15 days after the mosquito bite. If not treated, malaria can quickly become life-threatening by disrupting the blood supply to vital organs. In many parts of the world, the parasites have developed resistance to a number of malaria medicines.

Key interventions to control malaria include: prompt and effective treatment with artemisinin-based combination therapies; use of insecticidal nets by people at risk; and indoor residual spraying with insecticide to control the vector mosquitoes.

and then we all say, “Oh wow!” or at least, that’s what I said when I saw that. and if you’re like me, you follow that with a giant, “What can I do to help?!” You, my friends, are in luck, because I know just the way to help. You see, my friends at World Vision ACT:S are working with Relevant Magazine on a campaign to end malaria by 2015 called Acts to End Malaria. and if you like tee shirts, you can even buy one from the World Vision Store to help fund bed nets which prevent mosquitoes from biting at night time. You can even donate bed nets for a family through the World Vision website for the price of maybe giving up Starbucks or movies for a month (or at least, that’s what I’m giving up, you can come up with your own vices).

You know, malaria doesn’t really happen here, but it does happen. We spend so much time and money fighting our “enemies” when God says to love them and forgive those who persecute you several times all over the Bible. In place of that facebook status or tweet that discriminates, puts someone down, or is just a downright rotten thought, why don’t we all dedicate the rest of the political season to sharing something to help people? We can all start being part of the solution of malaria, human trafficking, clean water, AIDS, and extreme poverty. If we let God move through us instead of our political parties, we have a much greater chance of showing people we love them rather than telling people we love them, but we love being right more.

Tell me what you think or what you’re passionate about or what you want me to know. I know that I am part of a passionate generation that is going to leave the world better than when it arrived. Will you join me?

If I was hasty, maybe I was rushed along.

Today is my anniversary. Or, rather, the anniversary of the day that I heard Dr. McCue’s lecture that brought along another change in my life. and unfortunately, today is the day I’ll be announcing the final change in the Least of These 2012 concert.

I sent this message to my friends last Tuesday:

“I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just going to say it. I think God is pulling the plug on this concert.”

Last night, I emailed the bands. I made arrangements with those who had sponsored the concert. This is the end.

I apologize to those who were looking forward to this show. The best answer I can give you as to why it’s over is that I asked God to make nothing work out and make it clear to me if this show was not to go on and if it were not to go on, give me a peace about it. It is with confidence, I say to you that I have peace. I know that God has planned this for greater good than I can imagine.

Danny Ellison, the president at CITA, and I had discussed this in the beginning. He told me not to be surprised if God didn’t want this to happen and he was taking me on a personal journey. At the time, I could not imagine not following through with this concert. It is still difficult for me to not picture this as flushing everything I worked hard for down the toilet.

Nevertheless, if you are still interested in supporting CITA Rescue Mission and the work of the concert, I highly encourage you to take the money you would have spent on a concert ticket or merchandise on a donation to either CITA or International Justice Mission. It goes directly to help, not to offset costs of musicians and light and sound equipment; it helps real people.

If you need any further information, feel free to contact me.

with love.

“I grew up with a single mom who had no job at the time that my parents got divorced. God always provided for us and she always tithed and it worked out fine. God always provides for the needs of his people, but not always the wants. Romans 8:28 says, “We know God works all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.” Jesus also says in Matthew 17:20, “Oh! you of little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” God can always take care of you. Everything in the world is His to give His people.”

I can’t tell you the context in which I said this because I am 100% certain the person I said this to doesn’t want their information all out there in the open. What I can say is I’m surprised that I said this.

I’ve always been paranoid about money. Crazy about it. I’m just so worried I’ll screw up somehow. I make budgets and check them probably 15 times a day, even the days I don’t spend money. With my little college student budget, I’ve been paranoid. And then God hands me a project with a budget that exceeds the amount I will spend on the all 3 years of my college education. For bazillionaires, this isn’t a lot of money, but coming from where I came from, this is no rinky dink shindig. Actually, fun fact. The budget for this concert is equivalent to the amount a teacher makes in the state of Florida. Although, that says more about how poorly our teachers are paid than how much this thing costs.

So, we’ve got this online fundraiser and we’ve gotten $200 so far. Truthfully, I’m pretty sure that’s more than our leaders anticipated (myself not included). I thought our bulks would come from corporate sponsors, but hey, there’s somewhat of a chance of us reaching the goal online. The thing is, God always knows the right time for a person to contribute to the campaign because it’s always at a time that I’m worrying or doubting that this will happen.

Although I’ve written asking for help and support extensively, I want it to be understood that I only want your support if you pray about it first. I really want your heart in this and I want God to bless you for supporting us and I want your support to be a blessing from God. God is going to provide. What I’ve really found out is that I need to take the advice I give to a lot of people all the time. After all, if I had faith like a mustard seed, I could move a mountain.

For those of you that are interested in helping us, but don’t want to do the campaign, we are opening an online store today. There you will find some merchandise that will be available soon and at the concert. We hope you enjoy.

Thank you again for all of the support thus far. We love that God is spreading the Gospel and this concert in our home and to the ends of the earth. You are instrumental in this movement. Thank you.

With love,

your sister in Christ.

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online store.

I’m a hypocrite. In your heart of hearts, you’ll probably admit that you are, too. This thought comes after 2 things happened yesterday. The first, tragic; the other, common.

Many of you know about the massacre that happened at a midnight showing of the newest Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises in Aurora, Colorado. I don’t want to dwell on it because if you’ve seen the news, you know what’s happened. You know it’s a tragedy. You probably know his name, but you don’t know his story. You know what you’ve been told. That’s all we know.

I’ve been applying for jobs in Miami for a few weeks. Yes, to those of you that know, I did quit my job at Disney’s Pop Century Resort for personal reasons. I now live with my father. One of the jobs I looked into today was at a Chick-fil-A. After I had filled out my application and talked to a manager, I was heading to my father’s truck in the parking lot when a very aggressive driver almost ran me over. The first thing that pops into my head is, “Wow, what a jerk.”

That probably sounds harmless. Maybe it is, but it immediately occurred to me that I had prejudged a person for something that is a harmless mistake and I have made countless times.

While many find the shooting yesterday to be a great opportunity to condemn the use of guns as well as the second amendment, people rush to speak of the man who caused the tragedy as if they know him. A few of my most memorable quotes regarding this incident come quickly after the tragedy made headlines.

Zach Hunter, Colorado resident and founder of Loose Change to Loosen Chains, introduces the problem as a “senseless killing, not terribly far from where I live, at the Dark Knight Rises midnight showing. Mostly, I am infuriated over the vulgar disrespect of life and the waste of pain. I refuse to use the name of the killer, because then his memory lives on. This isn’t how you make people remember you. This isn’t how you leave a mark. I’m praying for the people involved. “

Christopher Nolan, director of the most recent Batman Trilogy, remarked, “On behalf of the cast and crew of The Dark Knight Rises, I would like to express our profound sorrow at the senseless tragedy that has befallen the entire Aurora community. I would not presume to know anything about the victims of the shooting but that they were there last night to watch a movie. I believe movies are one of the great American art forms and the shared experience of watching a story unfold on screen is an important and joyful pastime. The movie theatre is my home, and the idea that someone would violate that innocent and hopeful place in such an unbearably savage way is devastating to me.

Nothing any of us can say could ever adequately express our feelings for the innocent victims of this appalling crime, but our thoughts are with them and their families.”

And the final quote comes from Jamie Tworkowski, founder of To Write Love On Her Arms, “We are shocked and saddened by this news. Our hearts and thoughts and prayers are for the family and friends of the people who were in that theater last night. We are sorry beyond words. We ache with you today.  

We don’t know the story of the shooter. We don’t know what could lead a person to do such an awful thing.  

Today we learned that his parents live in San Diego.
There is a car in their driveway.
There is a TWLOHA sticker on the back of that car.
We don’t know whose car it is or how the sticker got there.
But we know what that sticker means.”

And like with all tragedies, the cynics of the world have banded together to ask how there could possibly be a good God with so much evil in the world. I’m not going to dwell too much on that either because a victim from the shooting addressed that in her own blog.

As you can tell by my title, I’m talking about hypocracy. I have killed someone. No, I have never been to jail or on trial, but according to Jesus, I have killed someone. See, Jesus said in the Bible that if you hate your brother, you have killed him in your heart. So, yes, we can all look down on that man for taking lives; but we have wished lives away countless times in our hearts. We are no better than he is. Our sins are equal even if you can honestly say you’ve never felt malice towards another.

As an official statement from the Least of These, we would like to say that we are mourning over the loss of these lives. Among the victims is a 9 year old girl, a husband celebrating his birthday, and a “spunky, young sports journalist on a date.” We cannot look at the loss of 12 lives without separating them from their stories. They were once babies, we were once babies, and he was once a baby. No one knows why he did what he did, very few can fathom the pain of the victims. But there is something you can do to help. For those interested in consoling the pain, there is a website campaign to help the victims and their families.

We thank you for reading this and hope you consider to help those that are physically, emotionally, and spiritually poor with us. God bless.

With love,

Least of These

Dolphin Tale is the story of an unmotivated kid that finds a dolphin stuck in a crab trap on his way to summer school. He takes a Swiss army knife out to save the dolphin and half of the dolphin’s tale gets taken of. The dolphin is named Winter and gets sent to a marine life conservatory where they try to get her to learn to swim without half of her tale. Eventually, she learns to swim and they find through an x-ray that the way she swims hurts her tale, so she has to have a synthetic tale to assist her. Meanwhile, the board of directors of the conservatory sees they are losing money so they sell the conservatory to a hotel guru. When the boy (Sawyer) finds out about this, he wants to plan a fundraiser so that Winter can stay at the conservatory. The head doctor at the conservatory immediately condemns the idea as naive. He refuses for quite some time before his father talks some sense into him. On the day of the event, a lady on the board said, “There is no way I’m letting anyone know that this whole thing was put together by an 11 year old.” While the movie passes on a positive message, it stirred in me a personal anger because I know exactly how Sawyer felt.

Some people have been telling me that this benefit concert is foolish and stupid. While it is easy to write them off and ignore them, I would like to call attention to the adults that read this. So many adults have poured into me as I’ve grown up, telling me (and many others) that we can do anything. Reach for the stars. Go for the gold. Follow your dreams. Our parents, teachers, and youth workers all want us to do what they never did, have what they never had, be what they never were. But when one of us comes to you with a crazy, bold, impossible idea; the words, “why don’t you try something a little more realistic?” come out all too easily. I’m not saying to the teens reading this not to listen to adults, they have great wisdom and insight on the ways of life. I am saying to talk to them and listen to what they have to say. Prayerfully consider every nugget of wisdom and listen to their stories. It is amazing to see how far God has brought them. Adults. Prayerfully consider what these teenagers are telling you. They come to you with ideas because they trust you and want your support. There is a reason Jesus calls us to childlike faith. Remember a time when you proposed an idea you thought was crazy to an adult. Above all else, if you don’t think that anything is possible, please please please never tell anyone that. Don’t tell them anything is possible and don’t tell them that you think what I’m saying is a load of crap. I would never want someone to come to you with an idea feeling that you would encourage them only to find out that their idea is stupid.

Teenagers, as much as God had changed my heart in that one day, I was being conditioned to see it coming. September 13th, God had given me a lecture from a professor that changed my life and began this wild journey. But the real beginning was when I had given my life to Christ. After that, but before the concert, I had read Radical by David Platt and Crazy Love by Francis Chan and a lot of the Bible. I realized that God was calling me to be a missionary. I didn’t know if it was overseas, but I was certain that I was to be a missionary to every person I meet until the day I die. I am still certain of that today. Without all of that, I would not have recognized the call of God to my heart on September 13, 2011. If someone says your idea is crazy, get a second opinion. But I highly encourage that second opinion to be a pastor or Sunday school teacher. Don’t go looking for answers until you hear one you like. The first person I told supported me 100%. Almost everyone I told supported me and it did take a few months before I found someone that didn’t. but it doesn’t matter because God does and he is making this all possible. Thank you for joining the crazy ride.

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

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So, we’re going to go shopping. While we’re shopping, we stop at DSW (a shoe store for the male populous reading this). I grab a really awesome pair of shoes that I love (these are my bridesmaid shoes for my sister’s wedding, but aren’t they cute?!) and try them on. You think they look awesome on me, but I think they’re a little small (for the record, Dad, if you’re reading this, they fit perfectly and are surprisingly comfortable). There’s a good sized group here convinced that these shoes will be awesome and that I should get them anyway. Some people even say, “These are the perfect shoes for you.” Perfect. Well. Since you said perfect (a word I don’t use too lightly), I should get them. and based on the high praise from people I care about, I do.

Then, I wear them to a dinner party. and they hurt. not like, “oh man, these shoes suck,” but rather, “I’m never listening to you people again, you give the worst advice!” Then, there’s the throbbing after 8 hrs of being in use and the horrible pain and I just take them off and put my TOMS on for the rest of the night.

The shoes are cute. They seemed pretty comfortable, they were only slightly too small. but I had them on for far too long!

Does anybody know what I’m talking about? This happens so much to me, not just with shoes, but with anything. People I love and respect give me great advice based on their own experience in a certain area and expect me to love it like they did. Unfortunately, we are all entirely different people and sometimes, those expectations fail us. What works for you does not always work for me.

Two of the biggest areas where expectations have been failing me lately are college and work. I mean, I thought college was going to be awesome. I went away to FAU and I hated it. I came back to BCC and I hated it more. I’m not going to get into the work area, but let’s just assume that in the 2 years, if I wasn’t at home or with my friends, I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a spoon. That bad. But, just because these things haven’t worked out for me, that does not mean they won’t work out for you.

This message is for high schoolers. I want you to try everything. Try to come into everything with little to no expectations. Just try. Try your best. Try new things. The time you have left to try new things without them costing you anything but time is fleeting. Two things I don’t want to affect you are other’s expectations for you and your expectations for yourself. Set the bar high, but don’t stress out if you don’t make it. Most people don’t even bother trying.

For the adults reading this, no I am not going to give up having a job (truthfully, I like the friends I make and the tasks I do), but I am going to keep trying new stuff. You can’t wear your old shoes on your brand new feet, right? So, I hope to have a bunch of different types of jobs before I graduate college to hopefully get a “real” job. I am also not quitting school, but quitting my expectations of school. I thought I was going to like college because I LOOOVED high school, but they are totally different animals and I am okay with that. I love the friends I made at FAU that I still talk to and I love meeting new people from different places. I just need to find the right balance between school, work, my social life, and concert planning. That’s what life is anyway, right? It’s just one big balancing act.

Part of what has inspired me to give up some of my expectations was from my friend Shannon. A few weeks ago, she had made some of her friends aware that she was starting an organization with her friend, Ashley (not me), called Lionhart. In Shannon’s words:

“The word “lionheart” describes someone who is brave, fearless. We believe it takes courage to find and know your true worth, especially after people or experiences have taught you that you possess none. Furthermore, it requires a lionheart to show others their value, thus spreading the courage.

We’ve taken the name a step further by changing the spelling of “heart” to “hart”—another name for a deer. The deer represents grace and gentleness, which we believe are traits of a woman who is confident in her worth and what she has to offer the world. When bravery and fearlessness, grace and gentleness combine, it’s an unstoppable combination for overflowing in love.”

Lionhart will be launching July 1st and I encourage you to check them out on facebook (www.facebook.com/lionhartorg) and twitter (www.twitter.com/lionhartorg). One cool thing that they’re doing now is the “What’s Your Worth?” gallery. When Shannon told us about it, I didn’t think I would do it, but I began to think about it more and more and found this would be the perfect time to share what I’ve learned about my identity in Christ. Basically, you take a picture of yourself holding a sign that says what you’re worth. Here it is:

Before I was planning a benefit concert, I knew there was certain expectations of me. Since elementary school, I knew I was expected to go to college and always make the A/B Honor Roll (which I did, eventually leading me to make the Dean’s List at Brevard Community College during my senior year of high school). I was expected to try my best when I was on swim team (something that eventually earned me a couple of first place titles that are in a box in my room somewhere), and in baton twirling (which also earned me a few first place medals), and when playing my violin (which ended in my ability to participate in the pit orchestra for 2 plays at West Shore Jr./Sr. high school).

Then, life happens. I find out that I don’t really like college, but I still like school. It’s not so easy to get a job in college towns, like I had hoped. and believe it or not, I eventually get sick of being paid in thank yous. and there is no where private to practice an instrument if you’re not in the college music program. So, instead of changing my expectations, I make plans. They are much more solid and can be flexible. Best of all, if you write them down, they’re more likely to become a reality.

By May 2015 (the time I should be graduating with my bachelor’s), my goal is to be graduating with a master’s degree (not thinking about majors, yet).

By November 10, 2012; I will have successfully planned my first benefit concert.

By December 2012, my goal is to have finished my AA.

I am absolutely worth more than what is expected of me. God already proved my worth when He sent His only son to die in my place on a cross. I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone because I serve an audience of one.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:6-13

“Let no debt remain outstanding except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.”

Romans 13:8

With love,

your sister in Christ

www.facebook.com/leastofthese2012

www.twitter.com/lotc2012

LeastofThese2012@aol.com

I have not written in a while. For those of you that read this and actually wanted updates on the concert, I apologize. Truthfully, I had things I wanted to say. I kept writing and deleting things. But nothing was right. Even the last few posts I made weren’t done well. In the beginning of January, I began to slip away.

When working on big projects, it is easy to lose sight of the goal. The end. To this day, we haven’t set a goal for the concert. I’m not entirely sure how to go about that. How do you estimate how much money you think you can raise for an organization that serves the homeless people in your hometown when you have no idea what you’re doing? Well, I began to lose sight of the end big time. I got buried in the stress of not knowing whether or not the concert would even happen, because let’s face it, I have nothing to offer the world except a heart broken for the world.

Vladimir Lenin once said, “A lie told often enough becomes the truth.” Slowly, but surely, I began to lie to myself. Slowly, but surely, I began to see those lies as truth. That there was no way this concert was going to happen because I am not enough. Not strong enough, not smart enough, I don’t know enough people, I don’t do enough, think enough, feel bad enough, read the Bible enough, go to Bible study enough, work hard in school enough. Telling yourself these things just makes setbacks that much harder to take.

One of the best things I’d done for myself to try to fight that off was play in my church orchestra. For that, I must thank the minister of music at First Baptist Church of Melbourne, David Hasker. I know I am not that talented of a violinist, but to have the time to play designated to me twice a week is a major stress relief, so David, if you read this, thank you for adding me to a very large worship orchestra that I need more than it needs me.

Another great thing to help was working with high school and middle school students at First Baptist and First United Methodist Church. I only did a few things with FUMC, but having grown up with FBC, I have always enjoyed the opportunity to be in the youth department. Even this past Wednesday with a girl that was there who is in seventh grade. She and I don’t know each other very well, but I remembered her from church camp and remembered that she was shy, so I tried to pull her out of her shell this past week and just hung out with her. I had come there so broken, and it was amazing how wonderful I felt after hanging out with her for a few hrs. Out of respect for her privacy, I won’t say who she was, but I look forward to spending time with her this Wednesday. It was so awesome to find healing in spending time with someone just as broken as I am. God brings broken people together to give healing.

March 6th at about 11:30PM, the things I had been telling myself came to a head. That night, the stress of planning, plus school, plus my own insecurities amounted into a massive problem. Unfortunately, as these things were building in my mind, I was having a heated discussion (not a fight, just very energized) with the leadership team on the location of the concert. I went to bed with a huge migraine and stressed.

March 7th at about 7 am, I woke up and decided that it was time to take a break from concert planning.

April 1st, we got back together for our first meeting and to get back to work. I established I cannot do everything (surprise, surprise). God had also directed me towards things that I hadn’t looked at before and this concert became way more about worshiping God. I started sending the leaders Bible verses and diving into God’s word more and more. and the leaders can attest to that because the passages I kept sending them kept getting longer and longer and longer lol.

Because of what God taught me, I began to do business differently. For those that did not see the facebook event, the location was moved (once again) to Wickham Park, coincidentally the same location as the Runaway Country concert (that I will not be attending) the weekend of May 5th. Nothing against them, I just don’t like country music. Well anyway, I gave each of the leaders a new role and we have a new addition to our leadership family that if you plan on volunteering, keep this name in mind. Our Volunteer Coordinator is going to be the lovely, amazing, and beautiful Patrina Thomas (known to the twitter world as @Bitter_Sweet_P). In addition to Patty’s help, I’ve also been getting help from others.

I think this is the first time I’ve mentioned Katrina, Jerry, and Blake Beckham. The story of how I got to know them definitely shows me once again that God is completely in control and He reigns supreme (I’ll definitely tell you it some time). Katrina and Jerry are professional photographers and Katrina also has experience planning events (check out their facebook page www.facebook.com/beckhamphoto to check out the awesome people they’ve worked with). They have been helping me be more professional and get in contact with some really great bands and they’ve been really awesome answering my questions that come up. They are such a blessing to have. Blake also just so happens to be a great musician, you’ve probably seen me post a few of his videos here and there. Beckhams, if you read this, I am so very thankful to have the opportunity to work with you. You are a blessing from God.

At this time, though, I should apologize. We still cannot release a band list. I know. I keep stringing everybody along, but. I gotta send in contracts and such. I promise we will release it soon. It’s a pretty sweet line-up we’re looking at, though. We’ve got a guy that’s been in the music industry for over 20 yrs, a christian rapper, and a group that has a song on Z88.3 that has been pretty popular lately. And, of course, my amazing friends at Stork, Please Promise, the Cast and Crew, and Blake.

Oh! and considering I just love to share my favorite songs as they come up, my new favorite is a song called “Supernova Sunrise” by a fantastic band called We Are Leo. I heard it because my friend James Barnett (yes, the Clothe Your Neighbor As Yourself guy) told me to look them up and basically facebook/twitter spammed the music video (http://youtu.be/h7Gxvze4fBE) and I totally fell in love and got the song as well as the rest of the Hello EP. It’s awesome. You should totally get it. It’s right here (http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/hello/id459112344).

Well, thank you all for putting up with my AWOL-ness and reading long posts like this and praying for our leadership team and being amazing. It means a lot to all of us and I probably wouldn’t have stuck it out this long if I didn’t have such a strong support team in Melbourne, Florida. You guys are absolutely incredible. If there’s any way you think you could help, please let me know, you know where to find me.

With love,

your sister in Christ.

www.facebook.com/LeastofThese2012

www.twitter.com/LOTC2012

LeastofThese2012@aol.com

“Hey, this is Ashley Younkins with the Least of These concert series set for November. I’m looking for Danny Ellison about fundraising for CITA.”

 “Hey, Ashley! It’s Danny. Now before we get started, I want to know why you transferred from FAU to BCC and why you decided to plan a benefit concert for CITA Rescue Mission to see if it could help us at CITA serve you better.” That response through me off a little bit. Serve me better? I was trying to serve you and why was it that everyone wanted to know why I left FAU? Did it make me look flighty or not dependable or like a dangerous investment? Regardless, I began to tell him the story I tell them all: the truth.

“Well, it all started with my favorite class at FAU, the Changing Environment of Business, Government and society, taught by Dr. Clifford McCue…”

To say the class was my favorite seems like an understatement, now. I’ve never learned so much about business, government, society, or life in my life. Taking Dr. McCue’s class changed the way I look at my education and the way I look at people. The day he changed my life completely was September 13^th, 2011; three weeks after classes had started.

I was completely dumbfounded. In the center of the front row of a class of 80, I knew Dr. McCue was talking to everybody, but I was the one who got punched in the gut.

“Now watch McCue, man. You think I’m bein’ stupid, but I’m serious, man.” He rambled through his logic, as always when he got excited. “You don’t care about anybody, but yourself! I’m not bein’ mean, just truthful because I don’t care about your feelings, I only care about myself.” My government class giggled anxiously and I looked at my best friend, Cassie, sitting next to me, her eyes laughing like the rest. “Now how many of you, when you see a homeless dude on the street beggin’ for money give it to ‘em?” A few kids raised their hands and gazed around the classroom nervously. “You four are liars.” Cliff laughed as he said it, an animated laugh that made his moustache curl up on the sides. “Now watch Cliff, watch McCue, here. Why do you think I asked that?”
            Thomas DeMaio, resident sucker and fraternity brother at Florida Atlantic University’s Delta Tau Delta chapter, raised his hand first (as always), exclaiming, “Well I really do give them money. It feels good to help someone out and if they weren’t actually homeless, oh well. Me doing something good doesn’t mean I’m stupid, it means they’re jerks.”

“See. Think about that. Do you think he’s being nice or stupid?” None of us had the guts to answer McCue directly, but Cassie turned to me and whispered, “I think he’s nice and stupid.” I shook my head in agreement and giggled as the wheels began to turn slowly in my head, thinking about all of the homeless people I passed on the road I could have helped. “When I see a homeless dude on the street, I park the car, walk over, and have a conversation with him. I say, ‘hey man, how’s it goin’? Anything I can get you? What do you need the money for?’ The guys are really nice and open and if they say they’re gonna buy drugs or beer, I hand ‘em some money and say, ‘I hope you get help.’”

The class fell silent. I felt terrible and began to grow sick. I had prided myself on being a good Christian girl, hearing praise upon praise for being “the nicest person (fill in the blank) had ever met!” but all of that had become worthless in an instant. Questions began racing through my mind. Why am I going to a $20,000 a year college when 20% of the world lives on less than $1 a day? Why have I ignored them? Where is my heart?

“Now how many of you think I’m stupid?” There was an audible, unified gulp in the classroom as no one dared to look Dr. McCue in the eye. “I know some of you do, but look at me when I tell you I don’t regret it no matter how crazy I look.” He paused and brought the sign-in sheet to the back of the room, then circled around front to pull up the lesson on the projector screen. It read: “CORPORATE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY CASE STUDY: PUBLIX, CORP.” He proceeded to talk about how businesses will be socially responsible in self-interest so that they gain customers and look good, but at times they may not be giving their best efforts; and while I was writing the notes down, my mind was still far behind with the homeless. I was picturing my home in Melbourne, just three hours north of this FAU classroom. I was imagining the days I would wake up at 5:00 am and bike down 192 through Downtown Melbourne so I could bike down US 1 next to the Indian River Lagoon, but this time in my memory I saw CITA Rescue Mission. I had passed that homeless shelter hundreds of times on my way to the Chick-fil-A on Palm Bay Rd for breakfast before going home. That time, I saw so many hurting homeless people just trying to be invisible riding bikes and walking all around me in my neon pink gym shorts, flip flops, and tee shirt. While I wasn’t there that time, I felt more there than ever before.

So true!

(via somalymamfoundation)

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 

   “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

   “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

   “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

Matthew 25:40

Today, my friend Patrina asked where the name “Least of These” came from for the concert. I gave her 2 answers. The one above and my brother’s best friend, Guy. I was trying to find a name, but couldn’t think of anything. He had been the first person I talked to when the concert really started coming into my heart because I had always admired his very strong faith that God will see you through anything and his willingness to follow God. So naturally, he was the person I went to with an idea for a name. My first suggestion was Heart for the Homeless “and it could be, like, H4H!” (in my most enthusiastic cell phone in the hall way of my dorm voice ever) He said (paraphrasing) that it sounded lame. So I asked him for an idea, but I wanted it to be related to a Bible verse (not that H4H is in any way related to the Bible). He came up with the Least of These.

I’m getting a lot of backfire (as I had expected) from churches and “church people” (the people I had not expected it from). After a long time of a lot of thought, I realized why they kept telling me not to. It wasn’t traditional. What’s going on here is unconventional. College kids don’t do this or take risks like this. College kids go out and party and come out of college with nothing more than a piece of paper (formally known as a degree) and desperation for a job to pay off some intense student loans. College kids aren’t supposed to care about others. But the truth of the matter is, whether you know me or not, being unconventional doesn’t mean what we’re doing is wrong. It means it’s different. There are so many historical examples of people doing radical things for Jesus, so many of them young, I seriously don’t see why it’s a problem if 1 high school freshman (Anna, our newbie :]), 3 high school seniors (Guy, Brandon, and Kendra), 1 college freshman (J.Poole!), and 1 college sophomore (me :]) do it. If God calls us to do something and we do it, don’t look down on us because we’re taking direction. None of us want to end up down in the belly of a whale (See Jonah 1:1-17 if you don’t get the reference). The concert is cool, it’s fun, it’s a lot of work, it requires a lot of money and a lot more prayer, but hey, if we don’t, who will?

www.facebook.com/Leastofthese2012

www.twitter.com/LOT2012

www.twitter.com/amyounkins

www.facebook.com/ashyounks

www.leastofthese2012.tumblr.com

www.leastofthese2012.webs.com

barefootbaptist:

Step 1: Go to www.twitter.com/worldvisionacts.

Step 2: If you have a Twitter, click follow. If you don’t have a Twitter, get one! Then, follow @amyounkins, @LOT2012, @worldvisionusa, @worldvisionacts, @SoleHope, @IJMHQ, @IJMCampaigns, @zachjhunter, @TWLOHA and @Love146. Just because you love…

(Source: amyounkins)

officialjamesbarnett:

“So this guy comes up to me and says:
“what’s the vision? What’s the big idea?”
I open my mouth and words come out like this:
The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army.
And they are FREE…

(Source: jamestheverb)

I have been avoiding this because I knew it would be time consuming. very. But I feel like others can benefit from reading this and it definitely ties into the concert. About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I met with the Director and Assistant Director of CITA; Danny Ellison and Darrin Maxson. They are really nice and are so dedicated to the Lord. It’s funny we actually talked more about God than we did the concert, but we were both okay with that. We swapped testimonies, but I gave him the short version of mine because I could go on and on about what God has done in my life. We also talked about the state of First Baptist Church of Melbourne (the church I go to) since our senior pastor, Dr. Larry Bazer retired and has since been replaced with my friend, Rev. Scott Wilson.

Danny wanted me to know right off the bat, that this is all God’s doing and it was God that brought me to CITA (something I knew, but he emphasized it a little bit). He said, “Don’t be surprised if this concert doesn’t happen and God just wanted to see that you were going to be faithful.” I was so surprised. I mean, I was expecting them to be so thankful and just excited to have this sort of press. Then, he awestruck me once more by saying, “We don’t really advertise ourselves at CITA. We just advertise God and he will provide for our needs. I didn’t understand this at first when my dad died and I took over, but we have Christ in the name for a reason. Christ is the answer and we have to share that with everyone around us or we wouldn’t be serving him properly. There needs to be an urgency about it. These aren’t lives on the line, these are souls on the line.” and it was then that he approached me about having CITA’s chaplain, Donnie Legg speak at the concert. It wasn’t a requirement necessarily, but it was strongly recommended. However, we wanted to abide by their wishes, considering we are benefiting them. He also indicated that there could be a benefit to a location change, of which I can’t say quite yet, but it has been hinted at and many people already know about it. So, sorry, you must wait if you don’t already know.